Waiting.
Not my forte.
Not my normal.
Not my weakness.
It’s torture.
Yet, I’ve had years and years of experience with being married to a farmer. “I’ll be there in 10 minutes” translates to I’ll see ya when I see ya. Which results in anywhere from an hour to just before bed.
So, I’ve practiced and practiced and I have failed and failed to do so patiently.
I can wait fretfully.
I can wait fumingly.
I can wait while pacing, finishing another load of laundry, taking care of the dishes in the dishwasher, counting the ceiling tiles in the drs office.
Patiently isn’t on my list.
It’s when I’m stuck waiting for something from God that I truly realize this.
My personality is “come on, let’s get going, no one is going to do it for you, get up”. When I heard “if it is to be it’s up to me” I knew it was written about me!
Oh, my how foolish.
Nothing, nothing is ever “be” just because of me.
Waiting of farmer and getting ticked off is reasonable. It’s usually because of poor time management on his part.
Waiting on God should be part of worship.
I have to remind myself this. Who am I to be upset when the Master of the Universe, the Creator of all takes his time in “delivering” my requests?
The empty space of waiting is uncomfortable. Sometimes I want to knock on heaven’s door and ask “God, are you still there? Did you hear me when I asked? Did you hear me the first time, the 8th time, the 29th time? Are you too busy with someone else?”
While I know all those questions are absurd I still feel that way when I am desperate for hearing his spirit whisper to me.
What I know is #1 he hears. He always hears. #2 when I am waiting I am listening harder.
Maybe that’s part of the reason for the wait. In order to listen harder you have to lean in to hear. Perhaps I’ve been too busy swinging the bat by myself that I moved away from home plate.
Right now, I’m in that quiet, lonely sometimes difficult space. And, I’m leaning. I’m leaning so hard I’m almost horizontal on the floor.
The problem with waiting is you often don’t know when the waiting stops and your result of the wait begins.
For now, I wait.
For now, I’m leaning.
For now, I’m trying to be patient.
I’m not writing for sympathy. Like I’ve said before – I have words and I need to get them out. I do pray that this might help someone else wait with a touch more ease.
Blessings.
