So, as a mom I know too well how being in the middle feels. The middle between son and son, Father and son, etc. It seems we can be put in the position of the referee in life’s challenges.
I’ve been hearing a lot from other mothers and thought I’d share some insights in hopes it might spark a pause in our responses, help us be more considerate and just do a better job if possible.
I’m sharing as father and son, but this applies to any familial relationship with the farm.
“When I’m with my husband I am trying to get him to see my son’s point of view and when I’m with my son I’m trying to get him to see my husband’s point of view. And then while I’m with my husband he says I’m always taking my son’s side and my son accuses me of taking my husband’s side of the issue. I’m damned either way.”
“No matter how I try to get my husband to be less critical and more appreciative, nothing changes. His way of helping is to criticize and that does nothing but shut down communication.”
“I know my son has been hurt deeply from his father’s words. I try to convince him of his father’s love but I’m fearful it is falling on deaf ears.”
“My husband needs to allow our son to falter and fail. He thinks some of my son’s ideas are frivolous and won’t work. He just won’t give him a chance.”
“I try to tell my son that if he could just tell his dad he appreciates all he has done to get the farm this far it would mean so much to his dad. His dad is a broken, sad man that needs some appreciation.”
Also, mothers seem to find things out – things we might not want to know.
“I know there has been some digression in my son’s marriage. I don’t know if he knows about it or not but it is a factor in our decisions.”
“My daughter-in-law is very vocal to others that as soon as they inherit the farm she is going to divorce and take half of it.”
“My son-in-law has manipulated my daughter to the point that she doesn’t trust us.”
“My son-in-law has threatened to keep the grandkids from us if we don’t . . .”
Life in general can be difficult to traverse. When we selfishly put stumbling blocks on the path it serves no purpose. The strife, the wounds – all of it is unnecessary.
My heart is heavy for those I’ve been listening to. Some scenarios are just about unbelievable. The pain inflicted is deadly to the soul and heart.
May I remind us all that time is a thief. There is no way to back up, clean up and do over. Every minute, hour, day, month and year in strife and separation is an unnecessary burden that can’t be undone.
Please look at each day as the last one you will have a chance to make amends. As the last day you could say the things you want to say but are caught in your throat. If you can find words to criticize you can definitely find words of praise and gratitude. One brings life, one brings death.
Tomorrow never comes and yesterday can’t be bought back with any amount of money.
Lay your head on your pillow tonight knowing you have done all you can if you wake up tomorrow without another chance because someone is now gone forever.
. . . to be continued . . .
If you have anything anonymous, you’d like to share please message me.
