No Dairy Deception*

I have decided to champion a new cause.

There are a lot of people out there that are confused about dairy products. So, I am going to help by displaying some dairy free products that you can use.

We all know that dairy was never intended to be consumed by humans. I mean after all, what kind of idiot decided for the first time to pull on a cow’s teat and then have the nerve to drink it?

I mean it has to be bad, right. That poor cow shouldn’t be relieved of her milk and then have the milk put to good use as a nutritious drink. Bull ____.

We must protect that cow and do our best to help consumers choose only products that don’t have milk.

We will free all the dairy cows to go out into nature the way God intended them. I could use some help here – gotta load them up and find a place to free them. I’m thinking we should start in Los Angeles since there are so many cow lovers there.

Clarity is what the consumers need to be able to stop the horrendous use of quality food products.

I have the solution!

I will start small by voicing the false dangers of consuming milk there by starting the confusion.  I can feed the movement by adding these stickers to products that might confuse consumers, that way they can make an informed choice.

Oh, and to help inform them I need to get a high-profile celebrity – someone who has never been on a farm, someone who hates milk, someone who wants a just cause to parade.  And, we’ll be sure to pay them a lot of money to have them join us. Just have to figure out how to make some money to pay them, but I got an idea brewing.

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I think I should be extremely clear to the consumers so they will make the best no-dairy choice. I will add these stickers to EVERYTHING that isn’t dairy. I mean they should know kitty litter has no dairy, hair spray has no dairy, eggs have no dairy and 44 inch televisions are dairy free. Let’s give the consumers many options of spending their money on dairy free items.

We will become so popular companies will be lining up to get permission to use our logo. And we will gladly supply it for $$$ - lots of $$$$. (There you go - celebrity endorsement on the way.) You know if we can get the right companies to join us we can become rich! What mother wouldn’t choose the no-dairy diaper for their child when looking at a row of diapers and only one has the no-dairy seal?

Our no-dairy seal will become known far and wide and we will spread the BS of no-dairy items. Just think we don’t need to stop in the food aisles. We can spread to clothing, cleaning supplies, hardware and more!

Won’t you please join me?

Get in on the bottom floor of deception. 

We can join and bring about more fear and trepidation for consumers. Oh, wait a minute, you might be a consumer. I was thinking I was speaking to fellow farmers. You know those of us who are trying to pull the BS wool over your eyes.

Well, it matters not.

Coming soon – No-Dairy Deception campaign. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

*Read with tongue in cheek, with a sarcastic tone of voice and over the top enthusiasm.