Shoes. Who would have thought I’d get such revelations from shoes?
It all started when I bought a pair of those shoes that is supposed to shape up your hiney. I thought if that’s all it takes, why not?
Then, after wearing them several times I realized that the one thing they did was cause Charlie horses. Big ones, a lot of them, no fun ones. So, then, I thought “Why in the heck do I care what my hiney looks like anyway?”
This morning I returned the shoes to the store I purchased them and went back to the shoe store where I have purchased my walking shoes for the past eight years. They know what they are doing there and I have had great shoes.
My first inclination that something was up was that the parking spots were few and far between. This shoe store sits on a corner and I’ve never seen more than six people at a time in there.
When I walked in there was a cluster of them. You know,them. Runners. You know you can spot them a mile away. They were huddled around a small table with a couple of guys handing out paraphernalia.
Then I heard familiar voices. The voices belong to a couple of DJs of one of the rock stations in Grand Rapids. My sons would listen to them when they lived at home. I would have never recognized the DJs even if they ran me over. I think I liked them better before I saw what they looked like. The whole “it’s a good thing they are on the radio instead of TV” ran through my mind. But, they weren’t bad looking, just different than I imagined. Then a whole new idea wrapped its claws around my brain like a hawk strangling a field mouse. What do people think I look like now that I am on the radio? Would they be surprised, disappointed? “Ugh, yet another dilemma to rattle around in my cerebral cortex”.
I shook my head and proceed to the empty end of the store where the shoes were. As I waited to have someone wait on me I observed them a little more. Yep, them, you know, the runners all look alike, at least the women of them.
And, yes, the men of them do have similarities too. I was concentrating on the women them though.
The women them all are sleek and slim and either have short croppy hair hiding under a cute cap or they have their tendrils pulled up into a pony tail. They wear no makeup, their hair is usually a bit messy, escaping the pony tail, but they are all so dang cute! How is that?
I shlumped over to the corner and asked for good “walking” shoes. I whispered in fear of creating whiplash from the crowd of them.
I got my shoes, slinked over to the register. Another them was at the counter helping one of the thems. She looked just like the themsthat were there. Her hair was askew under a headband and her cheeks were rosy and she was a slip of a woman. The other female themwas a pony tailed version. “Do you have those dog leashes to wear around your waist when you run?” she asked.
My first thought was “how special” she runs with her dog. My second thought was “I am such a pig next to all these skinny, themsin tight spandex pants. And why in heavens name would you wear waist to ankle girdles when you didn’t need to”?
I snuck out behind the circle of thems and headed to my car. I was thinking that maybe, just maybe if I started running I could look like one of them.
That lasted all of one Nano second. I could run from now until Jesus comes back I would never be as cute as them without make up while wearing a girdle that stretched from waist to ankle.
