Last night I ran into a young man that I haven’t seen for a very long time. We were at an event and he came over, sat down and we visited.
It was fun reminiscing. During the conversation he mentioned his parents were divorced.
“Divorced? I’m sorry I didn’t know that” I said.
“It’s been over 10 years now.”
I asked how his parents were doing. He talked about his dad and said he hadn’t seen his mom for about 10 years.
Immediately I said “You need to call her.”
He said “I knew you would say that. It’s OK.”
“You do, you have to.”
He put his hand on my shoulder and said something like “It’s fine.”
We were at a venue with a lot of people and the music was loud and it was hard to talk. I wanted to drag him into a corner and sit and talk with him but it didn’t work out that way.
A few minutes later he said “I got a birthday card last year and she added her cell phone number on it. It’s posted on my wall and I look at it every day.”
We were with other people and the conversation came to an end. Oh how I wish I could talk more with him.
This is what I wished I could have said.
You need to call your mom. As a mom I can think of no other thing other than the death of a child that would hurt more. I can’t imagine being out of contact with any of my sons.
I don’t know why you haven’t spoken. She may have done or said something horrible. It doesn’t matter. You need to call your mom.
People change. People regret things said and done. You didn’t live in her skin and have no right to judge her actions.
The fact she sent you a birthday card and included her phone number tells me she wants to reconnect.
Why doesn’t she call you, you may ask. Who knows? Fear, fear or fear perhaps. You can’t control her actions nor should you judge them.
You need to call her before it’s too late. There will always come a point when it’s too late. Too late shows no mercy. Too late is not a rehearsal. Too late is a heavy burden to carry.
You have a perfect opportunity to model integrity, compassion and love to your sons.
What if she rejects you? You’re going to get hurt again, but not as much as not knowing if you could have made it work after you’ve reached the “too late” stage in life.
The most important thing that you may not realize – you need to forgive her. You are slowly killing yourself. You may not think so but unforgiveness is like a small leak in the bottom of a boat in the middle of the ocean. You only realize it when you’re too far out to sea and the leak has let in so much water the weight will sink you. Your water is bitterness that is building inside you. It eats slowly, yet surely.
There may even be a physical connection to the bitterness that has lodged itself in you.
I’m not sure if the young man will read this. But this I know. One of you who are reading this needs this. You need to call or visit your mom, your dad, your brother or sister. There’s a daughter or son still waiting to hear from you after all these years.
Yes, it’s hard. Yes, you’re fear filled and anxious.
I guarantee you that if you travel into “too late” land it will be far worse than the hurdles you need to overcome to make things right today.
I pray that God will give you the courage and strength, whoever you are, to connect with the person who hurt you or perhaps you were the one who wounded someone else.
Even if the attempt to connect doesn’t result in what you desire there will come a time when this attempt to try will be the one thing that gives you peace.
Here is a link to a short blog I wrote that may help you see this in a different light.